Rabbits take showers eryday. They are very clean animals. When people buy rabbits they wonder if they will have to house train them. They wonder if the rabbit is going to poop all over their house. And then they are surprised when the rabbit doesn’t do that at all.
Now, let’s move on to your body. Is it clean yet? Have you gotten that thing under control or is it still at the mercy of Monday night washes? If you wear days of the week underwear, this might make it easier for you to keep up with a daily hygiene ritual that even the laziest person can conquer. Brush your teeth twice a day – you’ll thank me years later when you can eat something other than mashed potatoes. Make sure that you only wash your bra once a week. How stinky do your underarms get? Arm and Hammer baking soda, with extra hammer.
Below is the perfect hygienic personal care routine to make you better than a rabbit:
1. Buy an electric toothbrush and floss everyday, unless your teeth are really tight together. If your teeth are really tight, don’t separate them because they are obviously friends.
2. Stop showering everyday to avoid dry skin. Your hair isn’t greasy – it’s moisturized.
3. If you don’t have a bidet, use baby wipes on your butt. If you don’t you’ll have something called skid marks in your underwear. These marks are not caused by race cars.
4. Wear clean clothes. If your clothes are dirty, and they touch your body, then by logic you get dirty too. This logic doesn’t apply to jeans.
5. Clip your toenails and finger nails twice a month. If your nails need to be clipped more than once a month then you are a werewolf. Place bars over your doors and windows during full moon phases.
6. Don’t spray perfume or cologne on your body, Spray it on your clothes.
Are you ready for your date now? Can we finally go? If you would listen to my advice then you are better than rabbit, you are becoming human. A basic human. A basic human is better than a rabbit.
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