10 Reasons You Should be Happy Right Now

If you aren’t happy then you aren’t fulfilling your potential. Sad people bring down the energy levels around them and compress molecules. So, if you are sad, then molecules are being compressed and it’s making the space close in. Is there anything more frightening than the walls closing in?

I can think of one thing that is more frightening and it is this: the walls closing in on a room full of spiders. Shudders.

If you live in Florida where it is hot and humid then you’ll appreciate this list of 10 reasons to be happy right now.

  1. You cannot have what you don’t have. This is universal truth. If your chair isn’t ergo dynamic, then your back will hurt after work, and you’ll just assume that you’re getting old. But really, it’s your chair and you need a nicer chair. Maybe you should sit on an exercise ball. If you don’t have an exercise ball, you cannot have an exercise ball. Do you see how this truth works?
  2. You don’t live in the middle of the jungle. If you live in a comfortable home or apartment then you are better off than people who have to live in jungle huts. But, you are also probably a lot more stressed out than people who live in jungle huts, because people in jungle huts don’t have to worry about bills.
  3. You have a pillow to cry on. Thinking about my debt sometimes makes me cry. I have over $300,000 worth of debt but I have a clever scheme to eliminate it this year. I can’t tell you the scheme because then it wouldn’t be clever. Have you ever tried to lay on a floor without a pillow and sleep? It’s uncomfortable.
  4. Chick fil a… and cupcakes. Too bad Chipotle has poo in their food. This post is not sponsored by Chipotle.
  5. That tickly thing on your leg wasn’t a spider. It was just a loose thread from your underwear. Thank God it wasn’t a spider! It was just your hairy legs and the hair blowing in the wind. Some people appreciate hairy legs…. in France.
  6. We no longer use horses for transportation. Can you imagine how many bat-crazy people would slam their horses into other people and other horses on the road? In my city, people don’t know how to drive!!! I’m so glad that they are not driving horses or else this place would be a congested horse hell.
  7. The iPhone went back to a smaller version of itself. The iPhone six looks like a giant flat screen television. People who use that phone look ridiculous. You look ridiculous with your huge horse phone. What are you, a dinosaur? Why do you need a phone that big? Thank you Apple for listening to your mind grapes.
  8. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are still together. I really want Kim to feel settled. I really do.
  9. The brain is composed of mostly water and fat, which means that you can eat fat and not feel bad about it. You can drain the fat from your George Foreman grill directly into your mouth.
  10. The Lakers beat the Supersonics.



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