5 Reasons You Should Never Move to Texas

Texans are a rowdy bunch. They love America and pie, and football, especially football. But there is too much crowding there. Are you thinking about moving to Texas? Where there is so little land for all those people who live in Houston. Dallas is cleaner. Austin is lying to you; they did not shoot that Robocops episode there. But it is where they film OITNB (Ointment In The Navel Bush). Also, baby ninjas. No one knows what was fighting the baby!

babyninja

1. Texans hide their bellybuttons even though it is hot. And the 100 degree heat makes their boot feet stink.

2. Houston Texans were much better when they were the Oilers. I don’t miss the Astros. Also Astros stands for astronaut, because NASA is fake. You can tell by the shadow people.

3. Sadly hurricanes love Texas. Hashtag no shade.

4. Bush (es of love). And guns. Guns. Lots of guns. They are people. People kill people and guns are people. In Texas. This isn’t reasonable. Is it?

5. The tumbleweed and regular weed. Also the pretty necklace girl T-Rex. Why did you do that to the weeds and a T-Rex? Why?

I’m so mad at this right now. Everybody run out of Texas fast. I have to poop. The End.

turtlegoat

 

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