How to be an adult between the ages of 35 and 40


Are you ready to finally grow up? And by that, I mean grow up more than ever before, because once you hit 35, you’re rapidly approaching middle age. Some might argue that you’re already there. That you’re already middle aged. Bird wings.

Growing up is hard to do. And that’s not just a song. It’s a reality. To be an adult between the ages of 35 and 40 you’ll need the following items:

  • a lease or mortgage with a minimum payment of $1500 monthly
  • one car (if you live in a city with a population of more than one million a bus ticket will suffice)
  • dusty exercise equipment
  • someone in your life who is fond of you who isn’t related by blood
  • a hammer and screwdriver
  • an issue of TIME magazine
  • a surplus of paper towels and toilet tissue in a storage closet

Now that you’re fully equipped to be your age, it’s time to act your age. You’ll need to do the following:

  1. Complain about the cost of living in your city, and if there are more than 100,000 people, complain about the congestion and traffic
  2. Stop eating at least one food because of acid reflux or constipation
  3. Purchase a shirt that says “I need a vacay”
  4. Wear socks with sandals at least once a year without flinching
  5. Realize that your life isn’t exactly what you wanted it to be, but be content that you’re still alive
  6. You should also buy this shirt for your baby

Being an adult is hard.



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