How to Trim Nose Hairs in Public (Privately)

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Let’s assume that you live in an apartment with six other people and you have only one bathroom. And it is NYC and no one can afford to buy a mirror to put anywhere else in the house, and the time that you spend in the bathroom is insufficient to ensure that your nose hairs are a proper length.

If your nose hairs are dipping into your coffee cup then it’s probably time for a quick trim. You could obviously trim your nose hairs in public, obviously. And we will quite obviously explain to you how this can be done, while maintaining your privacy.

The first and most reasonable space to trim your nose hairs is in a public bathroom, which is likely only 10 percent cleaner than your private bathroom at home (which is occupied by seven people total).

And now, it’s time to trim.

First you will need to outfit your hands with these:

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Then you will need to be very quick and precise. You should also carry plenty of gauze and bandages. If anyone asks if you need help as you bleed profusely on the sidewalk, where you’ve managed to collapse after running out of the building in tremendous pain.

Wait for the ambulance.

Do you hear the sirens in the distance?

You’re okay now. Your hairs are trimmed. The doctors will patch up your nose soon enough, and recovery in the hospital should take only a few days.

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