Don’t Invest in the Stock Market. Invest in Yourself.


If you invested in the wrong stock, it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. Simply be happy that you have money to invest in the stock market and you don’t live in a mud hut without electricity. You could live in a mud hut without electricity. You could have a monkey named Taboo following you around poking you in the back and laughing as you try in vain to grab his tail as he runs away with your hat in his hand. All of these things could very well be your reality.

Instead, you have the fortune of playing the stock market.

If your stock has been dropping, you could wait to see if it completely plunges, but that also means that you might have to eat beans for several months. You decide. You decide if you like black beans or pinto. Chipotle will allow you to have both on your burrito if you ask them nicely.

Play the lottery instead.

Invest five dollars per week in the power ball. Don’t check your ticket immediately. Almost every power ball winner waited for weeks before checking their ticket. Only check your ticket after you find out on the news that no one claimed the ticket, then you’ll know that it was probably you that won, and it won’t be so disappointing when you check your ticket.


Finally, invest in a dog or cat. The return is quite phenomenal. They will love you in spite of yourself and make you feel better about eating Ritz crackers on the couch during Netflix binges.


Stop being so pathetic. Get out of the market. It’s all going to fall down anyway.

Invest in yourself.



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